


I Don't Feel Like Myself Anymore

by Heartfulkings



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb (Homestuck), Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29309835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartfulkings/pseuds/Heartfulkings
Summary: I wrote this for the wonderful MeAndMyGaster. I hope you like it!
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Roxy Lalonde
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	I Don't Feel Like Myself Anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MeAndMyGaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeAndMyGaster/gifts).



Sburb, much like a monstrous entity tired of feeding, had essentially vomited everyone onto a planet in its infant stage of development. The humans had dubbed it Earth C right away, seeing as no one really wanted a remake of Alternia, and there was an overwhelming feeling of sentimentality surrounding what Earth could have been. Dave had said something about it being the start of a new gold age, which was sort of funny, in a morbid sense. Roxy had thought so at least, and Dirk gave a dry smile when no one else laughed. No one else got it like they did, and no one could understand why Dirk and Roxy held hands while walking into this new world. 

The grass was green and youthful, the dew soaking into everyone’s shoes. Roxy peeled her slippers off and loosened her grip on Dirk, finding a patch of grass to lay upon. The sun bore its warmth upon her in a way it hadn’t in what felt like years, stronger even. Everyone around her clustered into familiar groupings, not knowing how to broach introductions with such strangers. Trust only extends to comradery within the thick of a fight. Rest assured everyone can trust to not be physically backstabbed, but that’s hardly a solid start to a friendship. Roxy propped herself on her elbows, silently observing. Ever since she’d pulled the Mother Grub egg from the void, there seemed to have formed a mutual understanding of her aspect with it. Silence came easier now, if only with the price that is irrelevance. Jane headed to Jake, her hands wringing behind her back and Roxy wondered if she was purposefully overlooked. This was the sort of thought that might make one slightly bitter but not Roxy, no sir.

“Mind if I interrupt your brooding?” Dirtied sneakers, offensively blue pants, Roxy’s gaze panned up to see John. His hands were planted on his hips, and his smile was somehow as genuine as ever, if a little weary. He was the sort of guy one would describe as approachable if overall unremarkable. That wouldn’t be so inaccurate, but wouldn’t take into account the fact that Roxy inexplicably wanted to know everything about John, unremarkable or not. 

Roxy patted next to herself. “I guess I could use a brooding partner.”

John’s eyes thinned as he smiled and said, “Nice. Dad would say it’s too nice a day to have a pity party, though I think he’d allow today as an expectation.” 

“Yeah, we out here having a real pity rager.” Roxy pointed in Jake’s general direction. “I bet he’s saying somethin like ‘Golly gosh I don’t know what’s come over me! Janey I’m so sorry for being the absolute worst.’ Even though he’s really not the worst. And knowing Janey she’s probably like ‘That’s ok, of course I forgive you for being the worst,’ only she obviously won’t forgive him and months from now she’ll have another meltdown and make us take candy drugs again.” 

John snorted. “Ha! Candy drugs?” 

“I’ve been through some shit,” Roxy said gravely. 

“I’ll bet.” John settled his eye on the Striders and Rose, gesturing at them. “How much would you bet Rose is like five seconds away from murder?” 

There was plenty a narrative to gather from everyone’s interactions, growing increasingly wild as John and Roxy tried to one up each other in a sort of game. 

“That dude looks like the embodiment of a sad trumpet noise.” Roxy eyed one of the trolls, one of the more awkward looking ones. His hair was slicked up in a pompadour with a stripe of purple decorating it. His height left him slightly hunched over like a bone applied under pressure. He seemed to be a prince, judging by his god tier outfit, only with a soft yellow color to it with the Hope symbol etched on the front. He was talking to Karkat, whose brows were furrowed and arms crossed. Roxy took a second to say, “He’s probably in trouble for incel crimes, look at those Harry Potter lookin glasses. Looks like he’d tip a hat and say m’lady to me.”

“Oh shit wait!” John’s eyes widened, and his expression was an odd cross of amused and scandalized. “I think that’s Eridan!” 

“Who now?” 

“From what I heard, that's the guy who tried killing Kanaya, Sollux and Feferi. He destroyed the mother grub egg too.”

“Wow… that took me forever to replicate, and Kanaya like, cried when I was able to give it to her- I don’t think I can stand anyone who hurt’s my baby’s gee eff like that.”

John winced. “I don’t know how I feel about Karkat keeping him around, to be completely honest.”

“I mean. Aren’t trolls just like that though?” Roxy asked with a shrug. 

“That seems kind of racist but I don’t think you’re wrong.” 

“I’m just saying. I don’t think I can trust any kind of troll, not after one killed my mom, but I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. I think.”

John patted her hand awkwardly instead of responding right away. “I’m sorry about your mom.” 

Roxy’s lip wobbled slightly, realizing what she’d said ever so casually. Since when has she been able to say that sort of thing off the cuff? She sighed and leaned back on her elbows. “It’s totally fine. What about that troll, what’s her deal?” 

It was a little disappointing when John didn’t push the subject. It was odd, but the idea of him maturing, learning when to shut up or interject felt almost wrong. Upon their first meeting, seeing his goofy smile and hearing his clumsy attempt at small talk was a certain kind of endearing. It didn’t take long for his expression to settle into something harder though. Something tired. 

Roxy’s lazy attention caught Eridan’s, and he scowled in response. She grinned sunnily back. Seeing his granite colored skin blush purple was fucking hilarious, though John didn’t really get it when she burst into a peal of giggles. 

Adjusting to Roxy’s new life was easier said than done. Despite the expanse of space available for everyone, the sburb victors stuck close together. Almost like a pack mentality. For all the yearning Roxy had felt for a future surrounded by friends, she was slowly learning what it was like to feel suffocated. 

After the fifth celebratory picnic that week, she snuck off, slipping in between the crowd on a boardwalk Feferi insisted on building and stumbling down a sandy incline. Roxy still isn’t sure how all that time and reproduction stuff worked with everyone else’s god tiers, but a part of her was only a little disappointed when her kiddish daydreams of Roxy and Dirk being the only people left alive didn’t come true. Er- well it sounds bad when worded like that but really, there would’ve been something a little romantic about it in a sense. Having a destiny, being singled out for being humanity’s last hope. For the longest Roxy sort of expected to rebuild civilization, so she wasn’t quite so sure what to do now. 

Her baggy shirt concealing a bikini was shrugged off, and Roxy sat herself down in an elegant lean. It’s far too late for anything like tanning or swimming. The burst of cloud engulfing the moon seemed to agree. Really, Roxy should have forgone the bathing suit and bundled up, she realized with the push of wind scolding her. There’s something to be said how the cold reinvigorated her, how the last remnants of the public was a warm glow in the distance, that let Roxy relax despite the cold. Her belly was bursting with all the mini pies Jane had handed out. There was something though- something about the crust that was crunchy and a bit stale that made Roxy’s brows furrowed as she scarfed it all down nonetheless. Maybe that was a sign that nothing was quite perfect after all. She’d be lying if she said there wasn’t a certain amount of reassurance in that thought. 

Roxy buried her toes in the sand absentably. When water touched her skin, stinging with cold, she shuffled backwards. The tide persisted, advancing forward at an unnatural pace. Roxy looked up instinctively as she stood, seeing a figure standing in the midst of the water, moving their hands to and fro along with the waves. Instead of leaving, Roxy waded closer to the silhouette. The closer she got, the more recognizable they became, niggling the back of her mind that stored usually unimportant details. 

She waved her hands in greeting. “Hey! You’re the fish dude right?”

Eridan frowned, his snooty little nose wrinkling. “And you’re someone who can’t take a hint, it seems.” 

“Lol no one told me you were such a smart ass,” Roxy replied cheerfully with a companionable punch to the arm. 

“No, I’m sure they told you aaaall about me. Bad and scary Eridan.”

Water reaching her ankles, rose to kiss her thighs. “Sure, but I’m not scared yet. I’m still here aren’t I?” This actually seemed to surprise him. 

“Hm. Listen, I’m not looking for anything right now, kinda trying out the lone wolf thing-” Eridan said, his slitted pupils narrowing, allowing the phosphorescent yellow sclera to subtly outline the shadows of his face. Bags under his eyes as deep as Roxy’s, a permanent wrinkle lining his forehead as if he hadn’t smiled in a long while. His nose was long and strict, slightly turnt up at the end. The rest of his face was handsomely sculpted. High cheekbones, dark lips that stayed parted. If his energy wasn’t so rank, Roxy might’ve considered him as a romantic option. 

Roxy blew a strand of loose hair dismissively. She replied, a little incredulous, “Do you seriously think I’m hitting on you? Ugh, no wonder trolls are messed up.” 

“What the fuck is that that supposed to mean?”

“I  _ mean  _ it must be lonely if the only relationships you can have are like intense romantic ones.” She added, “I used to think that way too, you know. Still kinda do.”

As soon as he appeared, Eridan sunk underwater in a smooth dive. Just like any other stupid teeanage boy, he seemed to have no interest in carrying out a normal conversation. 

“Fuckin typical,” Roxy muttered underbreath. By the time she was close to land the waves had gotten more turbulent, knocking her down and forcing her to doggy paddle. Roxy didn’t feel the cold now, numbed and preoccupied with salt water rushing up her nose. 

When Roxy was deposited on the shore, the water shooing her away with a not so gentle push, the sky had started to let up. How long was she out there? It had felt like hardly an hour, yet blackness lightened to hints of orange and pink, stroked along the horizon. Roxy realized her shirt had been swept away, but she didn’t mind. Unlike most girls she’d met in person, Roxy had little concept of modesty. Back at home carapaces didn’t exactly blink if she walked around in her skinny’s.

Speaking of, a shout alerted Roxy to the presence of Jade, descending down the sandy slope with far more grace than Roxy had. She had some of her skirt bunched in a fist, the shimmery green material complementing dark skin. Jade grinned, showing off canines and white ears perked. “Hey!” 

Roxy headed to greet her. “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this,” she joked. 

“Psh, you’re so corny. I just wanted to check up on you- Jane said you’d snuck off at some point and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

“If Janey was so worried she can say that to my fuckin face.” Roxy made a face immediately upon realizing she’d said that out loud. Jade barked a surprised laugh. 

“I’m guessing that’s why you didn’t stick around?” 

“Eh, kind of? It’s complicated,” Roxy said. She hooked her arm with Jade’s and they walked to the boardwalk like two people in a three legged race. The wooden boards haven’t heated up yet, so neither girl bothered wearing sandals. “I just. Everything’s so  _ weird _ , and I don’t like how you guys are just pretending the whole sburb thing didn’t happen. How’re you not all fucked up?” 

Jade shrugged. “I think we’re all fucked up. It’s just kinda easier to relax now though. You know, party overnight because we don’t really know how to sleep when Derse and Prospit were destroyed. Or, that’s the case for me.” 

“Yeah. I feel that.” Roxy remembered how Jade had spent three years alone on the golden ship, thinking Davesprite and John were dead. She felt bad now for bringing up the subject, so she kept quiet on the way home. 

Surprisingly, being quiet with Jade was rather easy. Roxy invited her over to her pad and they played video games, back to back for several hours. The way Jade sat back, in that coiled manner of a dedicated athlete, permeated Roxy’s thoughts. She chased them away with equally embarrassing thoughts of that weird boy from earlier. 

The house seemed to thrum with the music playing, the sort of songs that tell more with their vibrations than their lyrics. Roxy kicked her legs against the kitchen drawers from where she was seated on the counter. For the party she’d outfitted herself in an oversized blazer over a graphic tee, with a pleated skirt. Beforehand Rose had given Roxy a critical once over, asking if she’d like to borrow some makeup. When Roxy had politely refused, Rose grinned and said, 

“I don’t have all that much makeup to hand out,” before wandering off into the throng of partygoers. As was the manner typical of Rose Lalonde, her eyes were heavy lidded and the lilt of her voice was cryptic. Roxy wasn’t sure how to respond, or who to stick by, so she retained herself within the kitchen. The alcohol was so close, so close. Roxy nursed a sparkling water.

As if she wasn’t really there, conversations floated through Roxy, any breathing within ear range turning sour with every minute spent. Seeing the occasional teen, or even carapace, rush by in a hurry to barf, Roxy was brought back to her drinking days. Spending hours with her head propped against a toilet seat, her only comfort scrolling through pesterchum on her phone. It wasn’t like she had anybody to hold her back as she upchucked. 

Roxy pulled out her phone to check if Jake, Dirk and Jane had showed up yet. If they had they hadn’t texted her, and she bumped her head against the wall. 

Dave was the one who came up with the idea to throw a party, half jokingly that is. Roxy was right behind him, eagerly pushing her friends into actualizing the idea. She’d looked forward to it at the time, a brand new experience that teenagers supposedly used to have. As if by the comedic timing of narrative, shouting sounded from the living room. The remaining kids hovering within the kitchen area herded out to see the commotion, and Roxy pushed and shoved her own way forward.

Dirk and Jake were facing off again. It was hard to hear exactly what they were saying, the crowd’s increasing excitement making sure of that, but it didn’t take a genius to guess what they were fighting over. Well. there went a chance to hang with her friends. Roxy snatched a bottle, and slipped out the door. 

Roxy found herself back to the boardwalk, shuffling down the slope finding comfort on a chair shaped stone. She swigged some more whiskey, feeling even more far away from when she liked to sip on martinis and play fancy lady. Her tolerance seemed to have waned from years of sobriety- but who cared really. Not like her liver could give out. 

She shimmied out of her blazer, and tilted her head towards the sky. Now it was odd to not see derse or prospit out. A normal moon was merely sitting fat on trailing clouds. Silver lighting dispelled the darkness just enough to see someone stumbling out of the water to join her. 

Roxy squinted a second and laughed. “Eriiiidaaaan!”

What she could see of Eridan’s expression relaxed from confrontational to simply annoyed. He said, “Wh- eugh it’s just you _.” _

“Yup! It’s just your new bestie,” Roxy slurred. 

“I never agreed to that.” 

“Well seeing as no one else can stand you…”

Eridan joined her upon seeming to contemplate this. “Ouch.”

Roxy scoffed, “Oh please, like you don’t know.” “Poor sweet dear Feferi…” Poor sweet dear Fefeta too. She knocked one back for the troll, and another for the sprite. It wasn’t exactly easy to hold on coherent thought but it struck Roxy as a little hypocritical that Eridan got to be all prickly when  _ he _ was the asshole. 

“I take it she’s still mad.”

There wasn’t much to say, considering Fefeta seemed to have accepted things, and Roxy hadn’t ever gotten the guts to talk with Feferi. Even so, she stayed quiet. “...”

“Yeah.” Eridan curled in on himself, as if doing so could shrink him and his shame. “I honestly didn’t mean to hurt her. I.. I really did pity her.” 

Roxy raised a cold brow. “Why did you?” 

“Hm?” 

“If you loved Fefa- feffiri why kill her in the first place?”

Eridan flicked Roxy’s forehead to shut her up, and she felt the cold prick of a claw. Like one of her cats. “Feferi. I was just  _ disposable  _ to her. She threw herself into the first troll who looked her way but I wasn’t good enough?!” 

“Yeah. I feel that.” She did in fact, feel that. The waves moved back and forth in tandem, as her thoughts did. “You know-”

Eridan sighed melodramatically. “Are you incapable of not making everything about you? I’m tryna wallow over here.” 

Despite his words, Eridan didn’t make any effort to leave, or chase her away. Instead, he reached forward to snag the bottle. “It’s better than faygo,” he commented before finishing it off. 

“Faygo… like what that clown troll was always drinking.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me. We can’t all be useless addicts, mooching off the efforts of others. Kar deserved better than him.” 

Roxy blinked, and tried to kick away the empty bottle.“Yeah, I mean totally.” There was something about Eridan that made her almost desperate to impress him. Maybe it was the way he’d managed to alienate everyone who might’ve forgiven him for his crimes, but still talked to Roxy. In a way, it was almost like she was the only one who could reach out to a lonely troll boy. Because that’s what all the players had in common right? They were all stupid kids trying to reach out to each other and fucking up. 

Eridan put an awkward hand to her shoulder. “I mean, he also killed most of my friends, so. I’m automatically gonna count you as way better.” 

“That's reassuring,” Roxy giggled uneasily. “Wait, how many of you guys tried to kill each other?” 

“Well uh, there was me. And Gamzee. And Vriska. And Terezi? Though that’s still a little bit ambiguous.” Eridan puffed his chest out. “I didn’t  _ try  _ to kill anyone. I accomplished what I set out to do.”

“Didn’t Sollux survive?” 

He winced. “I.  _ meant _ for that to happen.” 

“Uhuh,” Roxy hummed. She leaned her heavy head on his shoulder. Eridan continued talking, though she didn’t hear any of it though the drowsiness in her brain and heat in her blood. 

From the ensuing hangover, Eridan was there to hold her hair back, and let Roxy cuddle in his lap. He’d talk of Alternia, of days spent hunting with Feferi and equal amounts of times hunting her smile. He ranted about whatever bullshit Vriska had said the other day. Karkat was another favorite topic, and the way he described him was no less than smitten. Apparently everyone was still afraid of Gamzee, but couldn’t help laughing at his bullshit anyway. Roxy, perhaps a bit cruelly, wondered if Eridan was trying to make up for his isolation from his friends. 

From Jane’s stand on the podium she waved down to Roxy, who waved back with a winning grin on her face. Jane had done herself up today, her hair slicked down, dimples in full force on her chubby cheeks. Her pantsuit was cherry red, matching her sultry lipstick. The two had spent last week scouring through the mall for fashion for the very occasion. Roxy settled for an open cleavage button down tucked into high rise pants. Her and Rose wore matching brooches, jewelled little cat heads. When Roxy spotted her in the crowd, huddled under a sun blocking umbrella with Kanaya, Rose tapped her brooch with a faint nod reminiscent of Dirk’s. There was an odd disconnect between the two of them. Not necessarily bad, just. Unexpected. Rose was a lot colder and more practical than Roxy could try to be, but whenever she thought she’d blundered during a conversation, Rose merely responded with amusement. Like watching a kitten walk. Truthfully, Roxy feared the day Rose and Dirk would discover their similarities. 

When the speech started, Roxy found herself spacing out. Most of the crowd seemed made up of people she’d never met, expressions that glazed over upon meeting hers. Jane was really getting into it, leaning over the podium and gesturing to make a point. Roxy mounted a nearby hill to watch from a distance. She didn’t startle with the approaching steps behind her, instead immediately greeting Eridan.

“Yo! I didn’t think you’d show up!” 

His fists were shoved in a bomber jacket, oddly casual looking for the event. He responded dryly, “And I’m already regretting everything. Mind letting me sit here?” 

“Pardon?” 

“Fef’s down there.” 

“Oh, oof. Yeah of course.” 

“What’re you doing here?” He asked in an uninterested sounding tone, though he eyed her with attention. 

Roxy shrugged. “Janey’s okay. I didn’t feel like being around a whole buncha people today.” 

“That’s a surprise coming from Ms I want everyone to like me all the time.” 

Asshole. 

“It’s just that I don’t know how to keep my friends together, you know? Like I’m just looking in on a bunch of people’s stories with no way to influence anything.”

“You miss them.” 

Roxy nodded. “Yeah, sometimes.”

He gave her an arched look, and Roxy squirmed under it. “You’re the only one between us who can actually patch things up, but you’re just gonna stand by?”

“What the hell am I supposed to do? Huh?” 

“Well you can start by listenin to other people instead of bitchin about your problems all the time.”

Roxy glared. 

“Well- yeah Feferi used to tell me that,” he added sheepishly.

There was a lull in the speech, and Roxy looked up to see Jane stuttering, trying to keep her jovial expression plastered. Roxy stood, pulling Eridan with her, and took to flight. With every time she’d practiced the act of flying it came more and more natural, to the point where she had to bodily remind herself to walk. Though Eridan was quick on the uptick, he didn’t let go of Roxy, which she used to her advantage. She kicked him down to the stage, and he landed with a heavy crack. She hurried to grab Jane and disappear. 

The nothingness of void bled away, like a watercolor painting in reverse. Jane and Roxy’s feet landed on the hardware flooring of Dirk and Jake’s living room, part of their modestly furnished mansion. Dirk and Jake froze with whatever they were doing. Dirk’s hand was suspended, the katana he was brandishing barely shaking in its suspended state. (It wasn’t rare for Dirk and Jake to hold a physical face off during their fights, though it was always clear that Dirk was reluctant to spill blood on either end.) Jake’s clenched fists relaxed, and he was the first to say anything. 

“Jane? Roxy? Why, I almost didn’t recognize you two with how spiffy you’re all dressed! What’s the event?” 

Jane rolled her eyes. “Oh nothing, just my campaign announcement.” 

Dirk threw his sword to the side with a clang, and cursed. “ _ Shit _ . I’m so sorry Jane I forgot today's the day- did you get by even without my revisions to the speech?”

“No! In fact I didn’t, because you didn’t just forget to revise my speech, you forgot to finish it. And silly me, I was too busy with everything else, and forgot to check it. Boo on me for assuming you’d do what you promised.” 

Dirk pushed up his shades in a gesture of irritation. “Maybe if you checked your own speech beforehand you could have contacted me and we’d fix things up beforehand.”

Jane drew up a heavy breath. “You seriously can’t be blaming me for  _ your _ fuck up right now.” 

“No, I just thought I should offer alternative solutions for the future.” 

“You can shove your alternative solutions up your ass!”

Jake raised his hands, as if to surrender his opinion. “Cmon chaps, we can’t let this tear us apart.” 

“We already are,” Roxy interjected, in a much darker tone than intended. “Torn apart, that is. I dunno what I was thinking, grabbing you like that Janey and I’m sorry it’s just that we’re all fucking up. Fucking up, and because we aren’t even trying to stick together anymore.” Just as the rest of her friends, Roxy was surprised at how impassioned she was, swiping at gentle tears she hadn’t noticed until then. 

Dirk blinked. “Is there still an audience?”    
“Eridan should be distracting them right now,” Roxy answered with no little pride. 

“Then we’ll improvise.” Dirk flash stepped to pick up Jane like it was nothing, and flash stepped out the door. Jake and Roxy were left, her curly bangs dancing in the wake of such sudden movement. 

“Eridan eh?” Jake asked with a roguish smile. Roxy shrugged, unable to stop warmth kissing her cheeks. 

“I don’t think he likes me very much.” 

Jake gestured lewdly, and she pushed him. “We should go with them.” 

Roxy could tell when Jake was aiming for evasiveness. He was good at hiding, but she was better at calling bullshit. She continued, “We can’t keep doing this forever, you know?” 

Jake said, “That’s a very Roxy thing to say,” his tone carrying a bit of hopelessness. They returned to the hill. The first thing they spotted was Jane, having regathered her dignity, and Dirk standing by as she talked. Eridan caught her gaze, towards the back of the crowd, and flipped her off. She returned the gesture fondly. She didn’t overlook the way his eyes crinkled at the corners. 

  
  


Roxy and Eridan had taken to spending their time on that very hill. Sometimes they’d vape, something that hit Eridan hard, but only left Roxy wanting for something stronger. She watched the lazy clouds, never seeming in a hurry. 

Roxy murmured, “Do you ever think?”

“Most people do, but I can see how you’re the exception.”

“Smartass.” She got away with an affectionate kick to the ankles. “No, I mean do you ever think about like, the fact that neither of us should be alive.”

He shrugged. They’ve been shrugging a lot lately. Roxy wasn’t sure she liked it. “Sgrub decided I was meant to be alive. That has to mean something. I just know I’m too narratively important to get rid of.”

“Narratively important?”

“It’s kinda hard to listen to Vriska and not have your fuckin ear chewed off about narrative bullshit. Apparently I have to be alive cuz of something something alpha timeline. Don’t tell me you somehow missed literally all of that.” 

Roxy snorted unattractively. Vriska leaned towards a bit obsessive, if not downright intimidating. “Nah. I know all about alpha timelines, probably more than the time players if you can believe. There’s a difference though, between knowing this is the right path or whatever, and seeing everyone fucking die. One by one. Am I supposed to toss that aside? What makes us any better, huh? Why’d we get to survive?”

She remembered thinking that as she buried her mother. The air was still at the time, Rose’s nearly picturesque face slack with the failure of her musculature. Roxy’s knees had been scraped to hell and back. When she saw John again, it wasn’t so much a feeling of relief resting on her shoulders as much as a forceful hit of hopelessness. Rose would never remember this. She would never feel what it was like to be disregarded by a higher force that she fought in defence of. No one but her and John, who was dealing with things almost as well as Roxy. As in, their friends assigned a rotating schedule of visits, just to make sure he took care of himself. 

Eridan shifted on his side, and allowed his shirt to ruck up and show off a hint of raised scar crossing his abdomen. “... we both shoulda died, but since when did Sgrub give a shit about should haves? When has it given a shit about us? Why should we give a shit about it back?” 

“Careful! You might sound like you  _ want _ to associate with me.”

“That’s because you’re stupid, and don’t know anything.” 

“Mhm.” Roxy waggled her eyebrows until Eridan slapped a hand over her face. 

He said, in a suddenly solemn manner, “I have somethin to ask you.”

The direction he was headed to was clear but Roxy humored him anyway. “Hm?” 

“What are we?” Eridan scrunched up his face, as if embarrassed. Cute. “I mean, you’re the only person who can talk to me for more than five minutes at a time-” 

“That’s just sad,” Roxy interjected.

“Shut up. What I mean is. You actually give a shit about me while no one else does. Does that mean something?” 

“Of course it does! It means…. It means we’re homies.”    
“Homies. Is that like a human thing?” 

“Sure! Like a human version of moirails.” 

Eridan choked. “Moirails! Oh!” 

Roxy panicked silently. “Uhm. Do you not…” 

“No! No I do!” He reassured her. 

Their hands were close, but not enough to broach each other. Not yet. 

“Cool.”

“Cool.” 


End file.
